The Final Showdown

Sadly, the final showdown of the Cockroach King vs. Jen is truly not as amazing as the hype built it up to be; however, I felt it necessary to inform you all of Cockroach King’s dethroning.

Today, we bid farewell to the Cockroach King as he departs to the great scuttling ground in the sky. He was a large cockroach, the master of his cockroach domain, a terrifying and ferocious beast–he will not be missed by the household, but his kingdom mourns the passing of an inspiring leader. As the human invaders reclaimed their control of the house with much jubilation and celebration, the cockroach kingdom silently wept from the crevasses and cracks in the floorboards and walls: who would stake claim over this domicile on their behalf with the King squashed in toilet paper now?

The battle was quick, the death, ruthless and without mercy. From his vantage point, the King mistakenly believed the female of the humans was alone and he took the field with false bravado hiding behind her makeup case; as she finished applying her mascara, she moved to return the tube to its rightful spot in the case but, lo! The King had planned to exact his revenge by landing upon this weak creature and devouring her; as she made her desperate cries for the male, the King believed the battle over–hubby failed to rescue her last time, he would sure enough fail today as well. As the King positioned himself for his epic maneuver, he was quickly overtaken by a sandal, sized 11.5. The King was indeed right by one aspect: the battle was indeed over, but his cockiness cost him his life–hubby came down upon the King with the speed of 1,000 mustangs and ended his existence with a sickening squish.

While his body received an unceremonious toss into the wastebasket among a wad of toilet paper, his subjects paid their respects in their own way. In a show of grandeur and respect, several roaches sacrificed themselves to the wrath of the orange fuzz-ball guarding the household nightly so that others may escape to greener pastures, in the hope of finding another King as dutiful, diligent, brave, and ferocious against the humans as the great leader they recently lost. Go in peace creatures, but go you should; with the King dead, all mercy towards your kind is also dead.

And thus, with a grand bow, the Simpson’s close the chapter of their lives upon the epic battle against the Cockroach King: with the battle finally at an end, they move forward in search of the next great adventure life in Simpsonia has to offer them.